it was my farewell to 2009. :)

I was going through my documents in my phone. See, when inspiration strikes me, I write. Unfortunately for me, though, it isn’t always convenient to be bringing a pen and notebook with me. And papers are piling up in my closet; I’m running out of space for doodles, which is why I resort to my phone. There I found some forgotten files that I made over the past months. Here’s one from December ‘09. It amuses every time I find something like this. It’s like finding an old friend. 


December 31, 2oo9
I was watching how I met your mother earlier this evening. Ted just got ditched at the altar because Stella got back with her ex-husband. Ted was trying his best to suppress his feelings and not let it get the best of him. He hardly spoke of what had happened, refused his friends' offers to help him recover and simply avoided Stella. That was his way to forget the whole thing. But then they accidentally ran into her. And Ted had mustered up the guts to try to talk her. He had his script ready in his mind and it went something like, 'you made the biggest mistake of your life. I'm not here to win you back but i just want to know that you know that you have made the biggest mistake of your life. and I'm gonna let you walk into your miserable and unhappy life with Todd when you could've been so happy if you just chose me.' but he swallowed all these words when he saw Stella together with Todd and their daughter and how happy she was... He just walked away.
Yeah. when you're angry, upset or hurt, you can just bury it within you or you can let it all out and vent all your feelings towards someone or something .. But there's a third option. You can just let it all go.
So as 2oo9 ends, I am going to let it go along with all the negative emotions I have had and am still having. All the anger, the hurt, the disappointments, the failed hopes, the regrets, the loneliness, the misery, the pain, everything, I'm gunna let it all go. Not bury it, not vent it out somewhere, I'm just going to LET IT GO ... And I'm going to hold on to the hopes that 2o1o will be a better year for everybody. Life goes on. We go on. Let's be at peace. Let's begin it right. :)

I'm actually kind of glad I can't register to Globe's unlimited texting tonight. Makes me focus more on the important things: my family. :)
God is so good. I love how He pulls the strings without us noticing. :)
I'm letting it all go ..
It feels good. I like this feeling of peace within myself. I hope everybody gets to feel this way.
Hello, 2o1o. kinaya ko ang 2oo9 so mas lalong hindi ako magpapatinag sayo. :)
Happy new year. :)


-- :)

.. i dreamt of yesterday. :)

yesterday.

i dream of yesterday
when you and i were still young,
yesterday when you and i
were yet to know what's to come..
yesterday when all you saw
was me and i , you,
yesterday when we made
fairy tales come true.
yesterday when i was your princess,
and you were my knight,
yesterday when we rode our magic carpet
under the moonlit night..
yesterday when we sat on shore
and watched the sea,
yesterday when we found
what's between you and me..
but the sun set
and the moon rose..
that's how it works,
every day goes..
we never noticed yesterday
come to an end,
sadly,we grew old
and apart we drifted..
if only i knew
this is what was to become,
how i wish
today has never come..
today, i can now only dream
of me and you,
today when fairy tales
are no longer true..
today when yesterday
is now only a memory..
a memory that shall forever
be kept within me..
yet i know yesterday
must be let go..
and i can now only hope
for a better tomorrow..
tomorrow when today's dream
can possibly come true..
and today,my only dream
is yesterday's me and you..

> november 19,2006 <

-- here's another mish-terpiece from my old blog.oh, can you feel the pain? i can. haha.
who knew i had a poetic streak in me somewhere in the back of my mind? LOL. i've always loved to write. poems, though, don't just come out from me that much. i just wake up one day and they're in my head. i guess it's just something that comes out when you're inspired. it's been a while since i've been so struck so strongly by inspiration. i haven't been moved to write poetry lately. i haven't been moved to write poetry in the last three years. partly because i just never felt like it and mainly because i've so caught up with other things these days.
it's kind of sad to think about it, really. people tend to do less the things they are passionate about. maybe that's why people never seem to be contented. maybe that's why the world seems to be so unhappy. men and women strive for material things, for money, for glory and other things that they forget about the things that they love. they worry so much about pleasing other people and meeting their expectations that they forget to satisfy their own pleasures.

so go ahead. shut down your laptop (after reading this, that is.ü). grab a pen and paper and write poetry the oldfashioned way. or if that ain't your thing, turn on beatbox, jump up and dance. or go get the karaoke working and sing your heart out.
be inspired. just go. while you can.ü

LET'S DO IT. NOW. ;D

we just ran out of dishwashing soap. i'm tempted to use detergent powder solution instead, but the miniature Bitoy's in my mind, screaming, "HOY! MAY SABON PA!!" :))


anyway. it's wednesday again. tomorrow it'll be thursday.
halfway through the week now. i can't believe how fast time flies. i'm almost halfway throughout the semester na din pala, now that i think about it.
i look forward to graduating (on time, hopefully. not a year too soon, not a year too late. *Ma'am Carreon, hear my prayers. ). i'm pretty excited to fulfill my dream of becoming a doctor. i can't wait to take on my part in making the world a MUCH better place.

but then again, i don't want to miss out on a minute of my life either.
things can get way over my head and sometimes, i get lost in my goals, in my purpose, in my dreams and in my fantasies (since i AM a princess. HAHA.) that i forget that i actually have a life to live NOW, that i can actually make a difference NOW, and that i can be happy NOW.

the days will be gone before we know it. and all we will be able to do is to look back not only on the things that we did but also the things we didn't do, the people we refused to meet, the places we refrained from going to, the opportunities we passed out on, and the chances we let slip away.

i, like everybody (i mean EVERYBODY) else, was given only one life.
one single life to live.
one single life to enjoy.
one single life to screw up.

nobody knows what lies beyond this life but i do not want to be going there with any regrets in my luggage. so let's do the unexpected. let's exceed limits. let's defy the impossible. let's do it. NOW.

i'm living every day as if there's no tomorrow.
because there isn't one.

live.LOVE.laugh. :)

AYOKO NG NAGHIHINTAY AT AYOKO NG UMAASA SA WALA.
- yves meneses

earlier this morning, i had a lot on my mind. there was already a draft of what was supposed to be my blog entry today. but now as i sit in front of the computer, my fingers typing away, there's nothing i can come up with. i just feel so at loss for words ..

toto was probably right when he said once is enough, twice is too much.
i guess i just believe that everybody deserves the benefit of the doubt.
but until when? how do you know if it'll be worth the wait?

at a point in my life, i spent four years hanging on threads of hope. it took me a while to realize that nobody would be coming around to pull me up so i finally decided to let go and fall back on my feet -- on my own.
it wasn't easy, hanging up there? hell, no, it wasn't stroll in the park. it was pretty painful to have nothing to cling on to but forgotten promises. it wasn't just the burden of having to hold myself up that was difficult; it was the wait too. i woke up every morning with my hopes up and went back to bed every night heartbroken. that went on for four years.
and yet, i managed to make it through.

but it isn't something i plan on doing again.

four years was a long time, and i couldn't have gotten through with it without learning anything.

i now realize my worth. i know that i deserve to be with somebody who knows what he has when he has me. i know that i deserve to be with someone who will not make excuses and who will fight for me. i deserve to be with someone who will not keep me waiting.

i now know the value of time. there's no need to rush. i can't just get into anything when i feel like it, how i feel like it. because feelings are at stake. and i can't let myself be hurt by anyone i again.

i am now careful of trusting other people as easily. trust is something to be gained. and even after a person has seemed to prove himself, you can never be too sure. it's still safe to put up your guard and expect the worst.

i now know that it's isn't wrong to say enough. some things are meant to last, true, but, even if you want to, there's really no point in holding on if it isn't there anymore.

don't get me wrong.
it isn't that i've completely shunned the idea of being with someone.
i'm still the hopeless romantic, the girl who dreams to be swept off her feet by her knight in shining armor. that's still me, i'm still the princess.
but i'm now the princess who loves herself more, the princess who knows what she deserves and who will not settle for anything less.

now that's girlpower. ;)

.. i believe that i have the strength and the courage of a lion. RAWR. >:D

as i had mentioned in my very first entry, i once had a blog a few years back. when i became too damn busy to keep it updated, i deleted it. but i saved the all the entries in my email. i forgot about them, though, when messages piled up in my inbox. but earlier tonight, i was going through my old files and i stumbled upon them. i found this. it's dated more then 2years ago and i can't believe i wrote it. :))
give it a read. it's quite nice, if i do say so myself.
(hyaaaaak. purihin daw ba ang sarili. :DD)


my. fight.
March 28th, 2007



the world can be cruel at times.. but defeat isn't enough reason to lay down and die.

Right from the very start, is has been the survival of the fittest.
fittest, not being the largest or the strongest, but being able to adapt to your environment and live with it no matter what the cost. Charles Darwin definitely knew what he was talking about,huh? but it's also a matter of choice, really. when beings are cornered with an enemy, there are only two options: to fight or to flight.

In our world, we may not face blood-thirsty creatures or other beings wanting to feed on us, but with the chaotic standing in our life, there's not much difference. our troubles can literally eat us alive in plenty ways more than one. and we can either face them or just let them feed on us silently.
By letting these things get the best of us, we're letting them affect our lives, our way of thinking. they can lead us into doing stupid and unthinkable things. it may seem as the perfect escape, but we end up as the loser having nothing.
but if we fight, we might just make something out of it. there's no telling if we'll win or lose, we might even get killed in the process. it's a long
shot, but sometimes, the risk is worth taking.. if you dont ask, the answer is always no. if you dont step forward, you're always be in the same place. you may lose the battle but in some ways, you're sure to win the war ..

as for me, i choose the fight.. not because i'm brave but because i'm a coward who wants to prove something.. c;

-- o, di ba.? panis. :))
when i'm running short on inspiration and in need of words of wisdom, i really should try to consult to myself. i tend to forget how strong of a person i am, and who better to remind me than myself.? :)

anyway. it's tuesday again tomorrow. school day again. big whoop. i'm crashing.

goodnight, loves. :)

.. i am saluting to SpongeBob Squarepants. :)

here's something Robin Sharma wrote in a chapter of his book, The Greatness Guide.

'SpongeBob Squarepants is my hero. if SpongeBob were a human being, the world would be a better place. seriously. here are four lessons SpongeBob can teach us to get more joy in life.

Be the eternal optimist. They guy (or sponge, i should say) always sees the best in any situation. and because SpongeBob looks for the best, he finds it.

Value people. SpongeBob knows what friendship means. he loves his pals in Bikini Bottom even Squidword.

Be an original. SpongeBob is one of a kind. Have the courage to be your true -- and greatest -- you.

Laugh and have fun. There's no point in being successful but sad. Makes no sense. Yes, reach for the mountaintop. But enjoy the climb as well. Life wasn't meant to be an ordeal. It was meant to be a celebration.'
(Sharma, 2006)

this is just an excerpt from one of the many chapters of Robin Sharma's The Greatness Guide. this one is my current favorite because he used SpongeBob as an example which is something we can easily relate to. and it's funny to think that SpongeBob really could stand as a model for everyone. It's funny to think that this bright yellow sponge whom we all love so much for making us laugh everyday could actually be a reference point for all of us on how to live our lives. it's funny but it's true. Robin Sharma is dead-on about this. at least for me he is. :))
i like SpongeBob. He brightens up my day like Chace Crawford in GossipGirl does (HAHAHA). but when i read The Greatness Guide, i realized that there really is more than what we see. SpongeBob is the ideal person we all should try to be. Optimistic, loving, unique and fearless, and happy.
Next time you see SpongeBob on tv, try to look past the holes in his body, his one-piece outfit, his pineapple house and his meowing snail then maybe you'll see your hero too. :)

.. i have my arms folded in front of me.

yesterday in comm3, Ma'am Lopez discussed paralanguage, such as facial expressions, hand gestures and body language. she said people can communicate without having to speak, people can read a person without having to hear a word from him/her. then she pointed at me.
'look at misha here. she has her arms folded in front her, very private, very protective of herself, even somewhat distrusting .. or so that's what psychology says about people who fold their arms.'

recently, i've been keeping to myself more. there are only a small number of people whom i confide to, only my closest friends. i'm not as open as i used to be. i have become more private, more protective of myself, and, yes, even somewhat distrusting. i've come from a big group of friends to much smaller ones. though i'm not choosy when it comes to friendship. anyone can be my friend; you can be whoever you are, i don't give a damn, if you want to be my friend, then, hello, friend! :)

the thing is, though, i'm afraid to put my heart at stake, i'm afraid to count on somebody only to be left out on. it isn't that i think people aren't trustworthy, no. i actually believe that everybody has a good heart, a heart that is capable of looking out for other people, a heart that can stick around for you through good or bad whether you like it or not.
i believe that there is a good and loving heart in everyone, but not everyone can give it to you.

people can simply say, 'i'm here for you if you need me. if there's any trouble, i have your back. i'm just here for you. i promise.' and i know these words mean well and they are sincere. but it's hard reaching out to most people. you try to talk, and they do listen, but most of the time, they just don't understand .. and that hurt. it hurts to be reach out to other people and fail. it makes the fall even harder because nobody's there to pull you up.
which is why i often don't talk about how i feel. which is why i don't pour my heart out just to anyone, i don't pour my heart out as much.
i'm lucky enough to have friends i know and i believe i can count on. these are friendships built over the years. these are people i know and people who know and can see right through and read me like an open book.
that's another reason why i mostly keep to myself, why i'm very private, very protective and even somewhat distrusting. i'm saving myself from the hurt.
i don't need words to let others know because they don't need it; they just understand.