.. i believe that i have the strength and the courage of a lion. RAWR. >:D

as i had mentioned in my very first entry, i once had a blog a few years back. when i became too damn busy to keep it updated, i deleted it. but i saved the all the entries in my email. i forgot about them, though, when messages piled up in my inbox. but earlier tonight, i was going through my old files and i stumbled upon them. i found this. it's dated more then 2years ago and i can't believe i wrote it. :))
give it a read. it's quite nice, if i do say so myself.
(hyaaaaak. purihin daw ba ang sarili. :DD)


my. fight.
March 28th, 2007



the world can be cruel at times.. but defeat isn't enough reason to lay down and die.

Right from the very start, is has been the survival of the fittest.
fittest, not being the largest or the strongest, but being able to adapt to your environment and live with it no matter what the cost. Charles Darwin definitely knew what he was talking about,huh? but it's also a matter of choice, really. when beings are cornered with an enemy, there are only two options: to fight or to flight.

In our world, we may not face blood-thirsty creatures or other beings wanting to feed on us, but with the chaotic standing in our life, there's not much difference. our troubles can literally eat us alive in plenty ways more than one. and we can either face them or just let them feed on us silently.
By letting these things get the best of us, we're letting them affect our lives, our way of thinking. they can lead us into doing stupid and unthinkable things. it may seem as the perfect escape, but we end up as the loser having nothing.
but if we fight, we might just make something out of it. there's no telling if we'll win or lose, we might even get killed in the process. it's a long
shot, but sometimes, the risk is worth taking.. if you dont ask, the answer is always no. if you dont step forward, you're always be in the same place. you may lose the battle but in some ways, you're sure to win the war ..

as for me, i choose the fight.. not because i'm brave but because i'm a coward who wants to prove something.. c;

-- o, di ba.? panis. :))
when i'm running short on inspiration and in need of words of wisdom, i really should try to consult to myself. i tend to forget how strong of a person i am, and who better to remind me than myself.? :)

anyway. it's tuesday again tomorrow. school day again. big whoop. i'm crashing.

goodnight, loves. :)

.. i am saluting to SpongeBob Squarepants. :)

here's something Robin Sharma wrote in a chapter of his book, The Greatness Guide.

'SpongeBob Squarepants is my hero. if SpongeBob were a human being, the world would be a better place. seriously. here are four lessons SpongeBob can teach us to get more joy in life.

Be the eternal optimist. They guy (or sponge, i should say) always sees the best in any situation. and because SpongeBob looks for the best, he finds it.

Value people. SpongeBob knows what friendship means. he loves his pals in Bikini Bottom even Squidword.

Be an original. SpongeBob is one of a kind. Have the courage to be your true -- and greatest -- you.

Laugh and have fun. There's no point in being successful but sad. Makes no sense. Yes, reach for the mountaintop. But enjoy the climb as well. Life wasn't meant to be an ordeal. It was meant to be a celebration.'
(Sharma, 2006)

this is just an excerpt from one of the many chapters of Robin Sharma's The Greatness Guide. this one is my current favorite because he used SpongeBob as an example which is something we can easily relate to. and it's funny to think that SpongeBob really could stand as a model for everyone. It's funny to think that this bright yellow sponge whom we all love so much for making us laugh everyday could actually be a reference point for all of us on how to live our lives. it's funny but it's true. Robin Sharma is dead-on about this. at least for me he is. :))
i like SpongeBob. He brightens up my day like Chace Crawford in GossipGirl does (HAHAHA). but when i read The Greatness Guide, i realized that there really is more than what we see. SpongeBob is the ideal person we all should try to be. Optimistic, loving, unique and fearless, and happy.
Next time you see SpongeBob on tv, try to look past the holes in his body, his one-piece outfit, his pineapple house and his meowing snail then maybe you'll see your hero too. :)

.. i have my arms folded in front of me.

yesterday in comm3, Ma'am Lopez discussed paralanguage, such as facial expressions, hand gestures and body language. she said people can communicate without having to speak, people can read a person without having to hear a word from him/her. then she pointed at me.
'look at misha here. she has her arms folded in front her, very private, very protective of herself, even somewhat distrusting .. or so that's what psychology says about people who fold their arms.'

recently, i've been keeping to myself more. there are only a small number of people whom i confide to, only my closest friends. i'm not as open as i used to be. i have become more private, more protective of myself, and, yes, even somewhat distrusting. i've come from a big group of friends to much smaller ones. though i'm not choosy when it comes to friendship. anyone can be my friend; you can be whoever you are, i don't give a damn, if you want to be my friend, then, hello, friend! :)

the thing is, though, i'm afraid to put my heart at stake, i'm afraid to count on somebody only to be left out on. it isn't that i think people aren't trustworthy, no. i actually believe that everybody has a good heart, a heart that is capable of looking out for other people, a heart that can stick around for you through good or bad whether you like it or not.
i believe that there is a good and loving heart in everyone, but not everyone can give it to you.

people can simply say, 'i'm here for you if you need me. if there's any trouble, i have your back. i'm just here for you. i promise.' and i know these words mean well and they are sincere. but it's hard reaching out to most people. you try to talk, and they do listen, but most of the time, they just don't understand .. and that hurt. it hurts to be reach out to other people and fail. it makes the fall even harder because nobody's there to pull you up.
which is why i often don't talk about how i feel. which is why i don't pour my heart out just to anyone, i don't pour my heart out as much.
i'm lucky enough to have friends i know and i believe i can count on. these are friendships built over the years. these are people i know and people who know and can see right through and read me like an open book.
that's another reason why i mostly keep to myself, why i'm very private, very protective and even somewhat distrusting. i'm saving myself from the hurt.
i don't need words to let others know because they don't need it; they just understand.

.. i am singing to the music of your guardian angel of rja.

the song is so 'gas-gas' na, i know. but that doesn't take away the meaning of the song to me personally. i was singing the lines
'you're my true love, my whole
world ..'
way before the single was released. i recall my classmates telling me to shut the fuck up because i kept singing at the top of my lungs. funny, because three months later, they couldn't get enough of the freakin' song. and the rest of the mamamayang pilipino along with them. hearing it everyday in the radio, televesion and from my classmates, i got tired of it. and after a couple of weeks, so did everybody else.

ganun naman e. lahat pinagsasawaan din lahat ng bagay, lahat makakakalimot din ..

(please don't throw that away .. please don't go away and please tell me you'll stay.)

this morning, after a year, i heard it again. and it came back to me. like a lost sheep to its shepherd, it came back to me. and is now haunting me again. awoo ..

i logged in to my ym. he left me an online message saying 'katropa, para sayo to,' and with that, a link to a-z lyrics. i opened it and there it was.

(i will never let you fall, i'll stand up with you forever ..)

that was first time i've heard of it so i looked it up sa imeem. i listened to it over and over and over and over .. until i knew the song by heart.

(use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill ..)

ayon. wala lang.
naalala ko lang naman. haha.
i'm not emo nor am i heartbroken ha.?! baka may magreact na naman e. :))
maybe it's the weather that's getting to me. or i don't know. :))

(and i know i'll be okay though my skies are turning gray ..)

*katropa. if you get to see this, i miss you.

.. i'm not as confident as i seem to be with my choices in life.

i had my comm3 class today. it was our first meeting and even though it lasted for three hours, i can say i enjoyed it.
i don't know. speech has always been my thing. well, had, that is, back in high school,when i was still active in the world outside of the classroom. i joined in extemporaneous speaking competitions, i was vice president of the MAPSA Student Broadcasters Club and i was a student anchor for MAPSA radyo. and when i graduated, i got the best in english award. :D
darn. those were the good old days ..
it's times like these when i wish i could go back to doing what i do best and not rack my brain, trying to answer every math problem thrown at me.
now i'm starting to second-guess myself again. am i on the right track.? am i really going to be a psychology graduate and go to med school and be a doctor.? is this what i'm really gonna be doing for the rest of my life.? can i do it.? can i live through it.?
it's funny to think that in my elementary days, i barely made it through my science subjects. i was in fifth grade and i got a 75 in gen.sci. and it was just last year when i got a 3 in my Natural Science I course after having retaken the final the exam twice (thanks, Ma'am Mañalac.ö). and now i'm dreaming of becoming of a doctor. haha .. funny.

well. a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

.. i come up with my own lesson plan which has nothing to do with my current courses.

here's something i wrote last night. toldya a lot's been brewing inside my head.

june 23, 'o9
today marks the beginning of my 2nd week of classes of my 2nd year in college.
how was it.? it was fine. did i love it.? no. did i hate it.? no.
i came to school early only to find out that classes were suspended to give way to the annual freshman orientation. so i was stuck there in school for several hours, sitting around, coming up with ways to kill time. toto was pretty occupied with rehearsals for their performance later in the day (which is pretty much the main reason i agreed to stick around in school). anyway. i made a new friend, i caught up with my peers whom i had yet to chat with and i got to spend some time with my ex-boyfriend. we finally had the time to sit down together and talk things through after we had broken up so suddenly. my conversation with him showed me a somewhat different perspective of what's been going with my life lately. hmm ..
anyway. in the afternoon, i found myself standing with the crowd, watching the different orgs/frats/soros put on a show for the freshies. i didn't bother staying 'till the end of the program. that doesn't matter much to me anymore. what's core are the lessons learned today. learned without having to attend my actual classes.

first, the value of true friendship. (enough said.)
second, i don't need to 'makibagay' nor 'makiuso' to prove myself to others. heck, i don't need to prove myself to anyone.
third, making your own choices means being independent. but being independent doesn't necessarily mean putting up walls between you and others when making decisions in your life.
and lastly, it doesn't hurt to give second chances. it could be a long shot but it's worth giving it a try ..
specially when he deserves it.

my conclusion?
i therefore conclude na yung mga natutunan ko ngayong araw na 'to ay hindi makapagbibigay sa'kin ng uno sa math11 at zoology. may quiz nga pala bukas.! crap.!

there's a part of me that's been dying to write again.

which is why i finally created my own blog. big whoop. :)

it has been a while since i last blogged. it has also been quite a while since i wrote anything that doesn't have to do with school. i feel like i'm losing my touch.
iuno. ever since a certain someone got hold of my diary and read things she was never meant to see, i just lost all interest in putting my feelings into visible words. so it's been a year since i stopped keeping diaries. it's too bad, though, because i've kept diaries ever since i was in third grade. mom always got me those diaries with the locks and scented papers and i always wrote in colored pens. anyway, i never seemed to get back into the habit of writing a couple or so sentences every night. i even got too busy to keep my blogs updated so i deleted them all.
i have to admit, it has been pretty hard since i am a person who mostly keeps to herself. writing has always been a way for me to unwind. keeping everything in hasn't been healthy for me.
at least blogging again is helping. i can just grab my phone and click away as the words come out from me. it's like what a friend of mine once told me, 'letting it all out could make all the difference.'

so here's a toast to me. and to blogging. again. :D